PeeWee's Birthday
by Burningbridges
Summary: The incredibly odd tale of Leon, Brad and Wesker going to PeeWee Herman's playhouse


What comes to mind when you hear 'Pee-Wee Herman' and 'Resident Evil' in the same sentence? If you said 'Vee L. is a complete and total lunatic', you'd be correct. 

_Another middle school re-do; I originally wrote this story back in 5th grade, after watching 'Childs Play' for the first time. I really wanted to use the crappy 5th grade version of the beginning, but since I couldn't find it, I'm stuck re-creating. But it's okay; I still remember the gist of it… Why am I doing this? Well, I really missed Pee-Wee – and now that they're showing reruns of that show, I figured I'd do something strange… Really strange…_

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Pee-Wee's Birthday

By Burning Bridges

It was Pee-Wee Herman's Birthday. He had invited everyone he knew, and was waiting happily for them to arrive while he entertained the kids at home… And when he got bored doing that, he decided to announce the secret word of the day.

"The secret word is 'murder', so if you hear anyone say 'murder' all day, you have to scream okay?"

There was a knock at the door, and Pee-Wee ran to answer it, giving a very pleased 'Haha!' when he saw who it was.

"Albert Wesker! Welcome to the party, come on in!" he said, grabbing the aloof Wesker by the arm and yanking him into the playhouse. "What took you so long?"

"I didn't want to be here, so I purposely got stuck in traffic," he muttered, and Pee-Wee just laughed stupidly.

"Haha! That must have been murder!"

There was a loud scream from every animate thing in the playhouse, and Wesker groaned. "It's that stupid 'secret word' thing, right?"

"That's right, Albert! Today's secret word is murder!"

There was another round of screaming, and Albert stormed off to find someplace to be alone muttering, "I hate you Pee-Wee."

Pee-Wee smiled good-naturedly, and shrugged. "Everyone's allowed an opinion. If we didn't listen to how others felt, the world wouldn't be a very nice place, right boys and girls?"

There was another knock, and Pee-Wee skipped over to the door, greeting Brad Vickers and Leon S. Kennedy with a gleeful, "Hi, guys! Come on in and let's start this party!"

Brad came in cautiously, looking around at the playhouse like he was stepping into Hell itself, whereas Leon seemed obliviously happy.

"I've also invited Garth Brooks and Jimmy Dean, but they're here already. I'll introduce you!" He drug the two men outside, where Garth Brooks and Jimmy Dean were standing around aimlessly, talking about sausage. "Garth, Jimmy, meet Leon and Brad."

"Hi," Jimmy Dean said. "You guys like sausage?"

"I'll be right back!" Pee-Wee said, heading back into the house. He hadn't even gotten to the kitchen when he suddenly heard a voice.

"Hi, my name's Chucky. Wanna play?"

Pee-Wee ran out of the house screaming. He did see Child's Play, ya know. Outside, Pee-Wee totally forgot what had just happened. Wesker was attempting to ignore the annoying talking chair where he was sitting, Leon was talking to Globie about Spain, and Brad was huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth nervously and murmuring something about how Captain Carl was coming to get him. Pee-Wee felt the need to cheer him up.

"It's okay, Brad! Captain Carl won't murder you!" The whole playhouse once again erupted with screaming, and Brad just stared at him.

"I am not doing that secret word thing," he said, and Pee-Wee shrugged.

"Everyone's got a choice," he laughed, and Leon piped up.

"Um… Pee-Wee? I'm really hungry, so you think we can get a move one here?"

He nodded happily. "Sure thing, Leon."

Pee-Wee skipped over to the table where his cake was sitting innocently. Right when he was about to make a wish, Chucky jumped out of the cake with a chef's knife.

"I'm going to murder you all!" Chucky proclaimed, and Brad ran for the door screaming bloody murder.

"That's the idea, Brad!" Pee-Wee called after him happily.

Leon was digging frantically through his attaché for his handgun, while Wesker just sat there, staring at Chucky with one eyebrow raised. Just as Chucky went to stab Pee-Wee, Pee-Wee closed his eyes and made a wish. And guess what, his wish came true.

Chucky exploded in a mass of colorful confetti-like material. Was he a doll, or a piñata? Anyway, seeing as the cake was totally destroyed, and Leon was complaining he'd never eat it now that it had had an evil doll with the soul of a murderer in it, Pee-Wee went into the house looking for another one. After searching for a while, he finally found one under the bathroom sink. It was covered in green slime, but it would do. He took it out to Leon, who stared at it, drooling yet disgusted by the fact it was covered in slime.

"Eh, no one lives forever," he said, taking some of it.

Meanwhile, Pee-Wee was in the mood for music. "Garth, can you sing me a song?"

"Sure. What would you like to hear?" Garth Brooks asked.

"'Bye, Bye, Bye' by N'SYNC!"

"But Pee-Wee, I'm a country singer." All he got was a glare. "Okay… You may hate me but it ain't no lie, baby. Bye, bye, bye."

"That sucked, you suck!" Pee-Wee exclaimed, and Garth Brooks got pretty pissed. He and Jimmy Dean teamed up on him, shoving him into a trashcan, before running off together to make music and sausage. Leon nearly choked to death after his first bite of cake. Brad hid in the phone booth, crying. Wesker attempted to leave while no one was paying attention, but it didn't quite work out.

"I wish they'd all die," he said, heading for the door.

"Did I hear someone say wish?" Jambi's cabinet doors flew open, and his creepy blue head popped up.

"No," Wesker muttered.

"Oh, yes. What do you wish for?"

"I wish you'd go to hell."

"Alright, repeat after me. Mecha lecha hi mecha - "

"Shut up!" Wesker slammed the doors shut on Jambi, ignoring the genie's muffled talking as he carted him off to send to Spain.

All in all, this was the best birthday Pee-Wee ever had. But there's a moral to this story: never buy cakes from a man whose motto is baked in with love by Hitler and Company.

The End.

-----------

_Yes, I know… It was odd, and written 5th grade style. Eh, I might re-do it someday. In the meantime, leave me a review and let me know what you think._


End file.
